One week

It has been a whole week since my step-dad passed away. In some ways, the week has flown by.. but in others it has been in extreme slow motion. I still haven't really begun processing his loss as the week has been focused on mom and another huge crisis that hit my personal life that I cannot really talk about here. I'm really, really tired. I'm tired of driving back and forth places... to mom's house to take care of things there, to the hospital and back, running errands, dealing with kids, taking kids places, picking kids up, etc... I'm tired, tired, tired of driving. I wish I could stay home a whole week and go nowhere. I miss my life, even though I was out and about then too but it's different. I'm just tired. I go to bed tired, I wake up tired, I feel tired all day long. I wonder if I'll ever not feel tired again.

Friday, mom was able to leave the hospital on a 6 hour pass. I picked her up and took her with us to the airport to pick up my niece, Cassidy, who flew in from Florida. We then drove WAY out to east Mesa, where Fred's body is, so mom, Cassidy, and Max could view his body before he is cremated. Sam and I did not want to see him. Mom had to fill out all the paperwork. I felt like I was not really there but observing... I keep feeling like I'm having an out of body experience in my circumstances... just numb. I also wanted to hold myself together because I was the driver. But it was hard watching my mom sobbing clutching Fred's wedding ring to her chest. After we left there, we drove 40... yes, that FORTY miles back to my mom's house. She had a short fainting spell but was not injured. We stayed at the house a short time and she braved facing the garage where Fred took his life. I had to get her back to the couch after only about 1 minute, have her lay down, and get cold rags for her face. She just melted into grief. Those who choose to take their own life relieve their own pain but never see the agony and confusion the family is left in for the rest of their lives. It is an incredibly selfish act... and in this case, so contradictory to Fred because he was such a giving man. We will never understand.

I got mom back to the hospital around 6:00 that evening. I am amazed at the staff who is caring for her. I have seen incredible compassion from everyone. They are caring for her so well. I have also seen her opening up to complete strangers and allowing them to enter into her own pain. I have seen her crying with someone else in THEIR pain. I have heard of her witness of Jesus to those she is around. I have watched the other patients constantly flocking to my mom for hugs, a pat on her back, holding her hand, and telling me how much they all just love my mom.

Today, she was doing better. She will be released tomorrow. I'm sure it will be an exhausting day. We will meet with the pastor shortly after her release to actually plan Fred's memorial service. Fred's three children are all flying in tomorrow as well. After almost 21 years of my mom and Fred being married, this will be the first time all 6 of us children are together. Fred's two daughter's and I have never met. How sad is that?

My sister arrived Tuesday afternoon. It's been a while since I've seen her as well. Tuesday night is an anticipated night for my kids. Weeks ago, we purchased movie tickets as part of a fund raiser with the school with coins we have collected since February. We have been saving for a special fun thing for summer. When the fund raiser came along for a preview screening for the new Harry Potter movie, we dumped our coins out and began counting. We have been looking forward to the evening with anticipation.

We have been overwhelmed at the outpouring of love, concern and help from those around us... especially me and my support system from church. I feel so loved and protected. I have had people running errands for me, taking care of my kids, doing my laundry, making me meals, taking care of the vast amount of details with the funeral home, sitting to talk to me, hugging me, helping me in so many, many other ways. I've been in awe of God loving me through those around me. God is revealing himself in great ways through my circumstance.

And now, I need to get some sleep. Thank you for your notes and prayers.

Tragedy

Fred Kyzar: May 16, 1945-July 5, 2009
My life is in complete turmoil right now and I'm beyond exhausted. On Sunday, July 5, I lost my step-dad and my mom had to be hospitalized due to the shock and nature of his death. I am overwhelmed with details, caring for my kids, etc... and another own person crisis that has just about sent me over the edge. I have a great support system and am very thankful for them as they provide and protect my family. I don't know when I'll be back on here to post again as we try to move forward planning a service for my step-dad which can't happen until my mom is strong enough to be released from the hospital. My plate is so full of tasks that I haven't even begun to grieve over the loss of Fred. He was like a real dad to me and will be greatly missed.
Prayers are so coveted right now.

Another painting

Today, I did another watercolor painting on canvas. I am so in love with using canvas for watercolor, I can't even tell you how much! I am planning to propose classes to teach doing this! This canvas is 5x5. It took a bit longer than my previous paintings did because of the steps I had to take doing all the grapes individually, letting each dry before moving on, etc... But I'm happy with it.

New Local Art Studio!

A new art studio has just opened on 59th Ave/ Greenway, for those of you who are local. Susan has several classes listed on the new website, including one of mine! I have others to propose and hope all goes well teaching there so I can be a regular instructor there. Check out the new site! My class is scheduled for July 25th. This class is titled "Torn and Stitched: A composition of bits and pieces. This class involved creating transfers, hand sewing and playing with bits and pieces of fabric. It's great to learn how to use up all those little bits that you don't know what to do with! this class will focus heavily on composition and balance... the core structure of any type of artwork. Come join me!

Paintings

text reads: fall upon quietness



Well, as I mentioned, I have been doing watercolor paintings on canvas. It was Toni who told me how she was using this technique. I was at my mom's house today and used her camera to take pictures of the three canvases I have done over the weekend.

exhaustion...

The past several days I have been working like a crazy woman only getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night... not enough for me. This morning, I got up and started working around 9:00 and only stopped to shower and do a haircut mid-afternoon... I stopped working this evening around 7:30. I've got serious muscle tension in my upper back and shoulder as well as my neck. Too many art hours full of intensity, I guess.

Today, I helped the boys finish 2 more softies, mended a Beanie Baby, helped make Beanie Baby super-hero capes, and did two collage pieces as samples for my kids art classes coming up. I now have all my samples and will put a table out at church tomorrow with them and flyers to help promote the classes for July. (I love days when I get to be in pajamas and do art! PJ's are the best art uniform!) I need to get a picture of Max's bird. It's my favorite so far and I can't wait to show it! It's soooo cute!

I also finished a small 5x5 painting that I had started yesterday. I'm kicking myself because I can't remember the name of the artist that prompted this but, she was doing watercolor on canvas. I wrote and inquired about it and she was kind enough to explain her process. It completely fascinated me since watercolor is really my chosen paint medium to work with but doing watercolor is very time consuming and then, when finished, you have to put out money for framing. Anyway, yesterday I decided to try the technique out. It is very different from working on paper as the pigment is not absorbed into the canvas as it is paper but, I really enjoyed it! I will be doing more!!!

I used my computer to take a quick picture... obviously it's a pajama, don't do your hair or make-up day!
The text in the upper corner reads "fall upon quietness".

Well, it's now time to hit the bed. I'm so dead tired.

Just a quick catch up

I have been so busy. Actually, I stay really busy. Trying to piece together an income with two kids under foot amongst just daily errands and such... well, it's just a lot of stuff!

Still no word about any of my stolen items being recovered. I made a flyer and drew diagrams of all my jewelry and am making my way around to pawn shops. I found out that they hold merchandise for THREE months before it ever goes out to the floor so the reality is that my stuff is amongst a massive pile of stuff in a back room waiting to go out to the floor for sale in September in one of the vast number of pawn shops. I ran to 4 different shops today with one kid in tow in less than 25 minutes!!! And that's only 4 on the list! Anyway, you can bet they'll be seeing me again if I don't hear from the police before then.

My friend, Fran, gave me a digital camera to use but I need to get batteries for it. In the meantime, my camera on my computer allowed me to take this picture yesterday:
This is Max with his kitty critter he made! I'm putting together some kids art classes that I'll be teaching during July and one of them is a parent/child class.... how to take a child's drawing and turn it into a softie! This is Max's kitty laying down... it's suppose to be Kenzy, our cat! I think it's so cute! He sewed almost the entire thing himself with just a little help and instruction. It was his first experience with a needle and thread and he did great... and he's now also obsessed. He got in the car today after his summer school class and said immediately, "I want to sew when I get home." And sew he did. He made a little hanging case for my reading glasses and he embrodered a little piece that says "I love you" and I didn't even show him how to do that!!! He also made Sam a fabric wallet as well as a couple of Beanie Baby capes! He has been a busy little bee. Now Sam has decided he wants to learn too! LOL! Sam has drawn out his pattern and Max has another drawn up as well. Guess I'll be teaching more sewing over the next couple of days. But boy, does it get really quiet when Max is working on his projects!

I have managed to make 3 little Moo card holders using reclaimed silk necktie fabric. They are really cute. I plan to make several more as well as regular size business card holders to sell at Art Unraveled.

I have been presented with an opportunity to teach some classes at a new weekend art retreat that is planned for a weekend in April in Texas! I'm very honored to have been approached. There are many details that would have to be worked out for me to do this, namely... care for my boys for a few days. But, I think I can farm them out to a few different people. I don't want the burden to fall on my mom the whole time. They are high energy together and she'd be completely worn out having them both that entire time. What would be really great would be someone who just wants to come hang out with them at home for the weekend so Kenzy won't be left out of attention too! Anyone want to volunteer for anything?! :) Anyway, I have to make a decision about moving forward with this quickly because it just happens to be that the deadline to submit classes is the same deadline date for Art Unraveled proposals for 2010 which is Sept. 15th! EEK!

I have someone coming in the morning for a private class to learn to make mixed media fabric postcards. She happens to be someone whom I've not yet met but has also signed up for my class at Art Unraveled in August! I'm looking forward to some time with her tomorrow getting to know her. It will be a fun morning.

I've spent part of the day cleaning my apartment and clearing off one of my art tables to make space for teaching tomorrow morning. I'm almost finished so I'd better go get that done! It's getting late!